A Gilmore Girl's World

Ok this is going to be a short update because I still have things I need to do tonight. Basically my friends are slipping way form me..each time they hug everyone in our group except for me, everytime they single me out for some reason. I can feel it. Its extremely painful but I'm ok. I fully intend on talking to each of them individually to see if its jsut me or if its true. I think I owe it to myself to do that. Anyway my memorial day weekend was completely uneventful except for the huge stomach ache I had since sunday, I didn't cry I jsut chilled out and watched a few episodes of gilmore girls since I have all the box sets for seasons 1-6. Sunday I was working on the only hw I had to do which was my physics packet and Monday after struggling with it I got my help from my friends and after that I was done with what I had to do and I was supposed to get together to work on my physics project with my group but apparently not..anyway once I was done with the physics packet to the best of my ability, I wanted to get out my house for an hour osr so to get some ice cream or see a movie with one of my friends. But everyone I called was either not there or was busy doing the physics packet. Anyway I survived yesterday and had trouble sleeping but all in all I didnt' do anything this weekend. Despite this sad story I had a nice day today and I have a new load of responsibilties to take care of. I have my reputation to protect and I refuse to get sucked into the spring fever motif that my friends seem to be in. I will work hard and be as active and studious as I always am, until that final bell rings on the last day of school becasue that is when its over. I will uphold my reputation and continue to be the smart, funny, bubbly personality person that I am. Nothing and no one is going to get me off of this track. Last night I talked to a person who was best friend through brunner school and when I was held back in 3rd grade we started to drift apart because we weren't in the same grade and things jsut didnt' work. I recently heard some kids talking about the valedictorian of he class of 2007 and when I heard Karina's name I jsut beamed with pride that I knew her and I knew that she would be the valedictorian of her senior class.  I called her that day and she was busy so I left a couple messages but finally monday night she called me and we talked about all kinds of things and we both want to have the friendship that we had before and that made em happy to knwo that she still considered me her best friend even when we weren't friends for the past few years and I always had her in teh back of my mind. Anyway we decided we woudl revive that friendship and I didn't tell her much abtou what happened with michele but, its almost like Karina is michele's replacement. I mean I still have brittney and I will always have brittney as my best friend. But after all that has happened with michele I can't think about her anymore I mean I'll alwasy care about her but...I jsut can't stand it and I wish she hadn't had made things so hard for both of us the rest of Junior year and what about next year? I don't know who I am saying this to but I need to talk to michele write her a letter or something but I need to get through to her..I need closure and I need to know that I don't have to keep avoiding her cuz its so flipping annoying especially when we are all friends with the same people and I'm pretty damn sure that its michele's fault that all of my friends are slipping away from me b/c they knwo her and they love her so if they had to choose they would choose her over me so now they are pushing me away so that she will be comfortable and I will go elsewhere. The thing is I don't even knwo if that is really what's going on. All I know is I feel like something is going on and I am going to find out what. OOps so much for a short entry...sry guys well sry britt more specifically since you're theonly one who ever reads my LJ. Well ttyl 

Rebel <3

Come join Holiday_wishes now! 

STEP ONE
- Make a post (public, friendslocked, filtered...whatever you're comfortable with) to your LJ. The post should contain your list of 10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fandom-related ("I'd love a Snape/Hermione icon that's just for me") to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD") to really big ("All I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV.") The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.

- If you wish for real life things (not fics or icons), make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you. [Note: Your home address is not required!]

- Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your LJ, or link to this post (it'll be public) so that the holiday joy will spread.

STEP TWO
- Surf around your friendslist (or friendsfriends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now here's the important part:

- If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use--or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound for free--do it.

You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf--to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not--it's your call. There are no guarantees with this project, and no strings attached. Just...wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.



Community Rules

1. Post your wishlist once, and only once!

2. Limit your wishlist to 10 items.

3. Do not post to announce that you've updated your list. It's bad form to make additions if some of your wishes have already been granted. This includes linking back to your wishlists in thank you's and other posts. Once you have posted your wishlist in the community, please give others a chance and don't post it again.

4. If you make changes to your list (i.e. crossing off items that you've received, or changing your contact information), edit your original post.

5. This community is now moderated, so you may have to wait a bit for your wishlist to appear.

6. There is no need to include the steps of the meme in your wishlist post if it is on the community, so feel free to save the rest of us a little space :)


Holiday wish list 06 for holiday_wishes

My Wish List

Hey party people,
The Summer is over. I dont vare what anyone else is saying its true adn whoever reads this knows it! Well is may seem like I wasted away my summer this year. I didn't go to Aruba with my parents, I didn't get a job, I didn't go to teh beach or the pool very much, and I didn't do my summer reading. Now if I were to analyze the things I jsut typed out then I woudl feel pretty rotten but lets see what I did do this summer. I stayed home alot, I went to the pool a few times, I hung out with my 2 best friends, I fixed my friendship once and for all, I threw my best friend a surprise sweet sixteen, I spent time ith my family, I went to parties, I threw a party, I reflected on myself and my behavior, I did alot of things basically and the biggest thing I did was plan a suprise sweet sixteen. I put alot of effort into every litttle detail of this party. The food, the decorations, the stuff we'd do for fun, the signing board and banner, everything. I was able to keep this huge secret for 2 and a half months! Now its all over and she is the happiest she has ever been, I however feel empty and almost unwanted because its like once I did the nicest thing I coudl ever do nothing really changed. Mybe its jsut a feeling I am having right now..idk. Well I guess I shoudl go for now.
-Rebecca

Lalala let me jsut say that I love my friends especially my 2 best friends. One of which I'm throwing a sweet sixteen for and other of which is helping me hehe! I kno how in my last entry I was begging anyone who ever reads these to throw me a suprise party but now I relaize that last year I had my party and it was AWESOME so I'm going to let my best friend have the best party I can give her and I'm sure that if they both love me liek they say they will at least hang otu wth me on my birthday. Having like a sleepover or something with michele and britt will satisfy me because I got my party last year. And they are the dearest people in my life and they have stuck around for 3 years unlike my other friends form elementray and middle school who barely wanted me around for one year. So yeah I do have more to type but now isn't the time uzI have to shwoer and get ready for today. Ttyl. Byez
-Rebecca<333

Hey People Long time no type huh anyway school is out I am a junior in high school. Man that sounds weird lol and my best friend britt is a senior! WOW I can't believe it!! I'm so proud of her she is going to make an awesome vet! Anyway I still dont have a job since I was fired from the Sun Tavern...so its been bad cuz i'm looking and no one seems to want to hire anyone right now. Anyway the other day I had a great daywith my best friend Michele we went to the library to get summer reading book and that in itself was fun if the day had stopped there it would of been fine but it didn't. We went job huntung more for her than for me since I'm older I was afraid they would hire me instead of her and that would be bad..since she needed the job moe than me. So I was her support system and I got her to go inthe places she didn't even think of going into. in the end we did fin smething but they asked if she would come back in two weeks all in all we were happy. Then if the day came to an end it woudl of been fine too but it didn't b/c we walked back to her house and ate a delicious fruit salad and hung out on the somputer nad stuff then I asked her if I could tay longer nad for the first time in a very long time she said yes and I wonder wht would of happned if my mom hadn't come at 5:30pmrandomly maybe the day would of kept being awesome. All in all I will rememebr that day as a trademark day. But then my poor best friend got sick that night more like teh next morning and everythign went down hill from there. Now she's feeling better thankfully but I still felt bad for her especially when our plans for that wednesday to hang out went flat since she was gettting worse not better. Its all good now though.

Anyway last year I had this wonderful party it was awsome everythign was exactly how I wanted it it was my Sweet Sixteen / Batmitzvah so I wouldn't have to choose like michele had to and it was always my dream b/c i couldn't have a batmizvah when I was turning 13 like my best friend did. But anyway now that my best friend Michele is turning 16 I have taken it upon myself to throw her the bst suprise party she has ever had or the ebst party mind you and with tehhelp of my best friend Brittney and her parents it wil be a splendid party...but the more I go into thedetails of Michele's party the more I realize how much I chating myself of having one for my 17th birthday. Yeah so I'm crying pathetically enough so I guess i'll cut this entry off for now.
-Byes

I guess I'm the bear of all bad news arund here for school is still in session for the next about 9 days (school days, not including weekennds) Many of us struggle to bttle the legend called spring fever where everyone wants to be out of school and have nothing to do but sleep or loaf on the couch. Now I am one of those people who usually gets sad at the end of the school year. Especially this year I mean I love the high school much more than I ever did Park or School one or Brunner School. The high school is where I go to be educated to be with the people who care abtou me (ak my friends) I liek school and I liek to learn and usualy at teh end of the year I'm on the verge of teas at the fact that I won't see any of these people for 3 months and so much can change in that amount of time. I mean Ilik the freedom but I miss the structure of each day and the teachers and their padssion for teaching all teh time. Well when I came to the high shcool last year as a scared freshman I had my best friend michele there to guide the way or for us to help eahc toehr and when all that drama almsmost not only torn our friendship apart it tore me apart as well. I almost thought Iw ould resent school for doign that but it wasn' school it was alto of other things and I knwo if I get into this I wil cry adn I'm tired so I don't want to cry. This year along with bitter resenment from my best friend somehow we both mangaed to do even better than last year despite what had happened and we are still going strong for 3 years which is good. I still teh love my school everything abtou it and I guess all I'm trying to say is that this year I can't stand alot of my teachers and I can't stand alot of the students so I think I am accumulating spring fever much faser than anyone else and I feel as if I have an inhbility to do waht I shoudl be doing becasue of my suroundings and I feel liek my heart has been stomped and shattered into a million pieces and only a select few are actually trying to pick it up. I don't have many friends in my classes I basically keep to myself until afterschool or lunch but now I won't even have that and I keep wondering what is going to happen next year well I till have those friends. I mena I feel a prt of me if leaving and going away forever and it makes em sad normally Britt would let me rant abou this over the phone but you knowhat she is practiacally a senior and she won't be around for much longer. I don't want to grow soo attached to her thatwhen teh time comes for her to leave and not be there liek ehs'e been int eh past I won't be devastated I wil be able to live on and accept that facts. Sometime sI dream abotu gradutation from high school and what I woul d say or do or I dream about all my wishes and when I'm sleeping IT think is the only time I am realyl and truly happy. I mean I can't seem to be happier any time else not relaly happpy. I mean being acontent and being happy are not the same thing. Well that's what my english teacher taught me adn as I sit in class and argue with him I realize that I am not content or happy nad even when I am its only for a short time and I'm sitting here on teh verge of tears pouring otu my soul to my comptuer and wishing hoping dreaming that someone out there ccares anough to reply. I better go to sleep its my happy time about 6 hours of happy time...bye

This week I met a really nice guy who is friendfs with my other friend..anyway after walking home wth him and my best friend I started to like him a little bit but then I guess affter jsut walking with him I liked him a lot more since I talked to him online for like 2 hours the other day I started to feel thing for him a little bit so I liked him and I told him the online conversaton I had with him and we have so much in common and he did say that he liked me but usually when I really liek a guy I will rant to both of my best friends abotu it but since I started liking this guy I realized that I hven't ranted abtou him to either of them or at least not as much as I usually do...also ever since that long conversaton with him I don't realyl want to walk eith him anymore or talk to him as much is almost like a turn off and Idk Idon't want to go places with just him and I never told michele bout him and I should but Idk I guess I am jsut either not ready to date or I just want to reaax and live on my own with my friends and if someone comes along the way ok cool then ya kno?ince no one is reutrning my phone calls I figured I'd type my thoughts out to my jounarl and then go to work like a usually do. but yeah he Med me tody and I wasn't at my comptuer cuz I was watching a movie and he asked me if I wanted to hang out and if I didn't have work today I probably would of made something up idk I jsut dont' feel comfortable I jsut don't need anything else to think abotu right now...I mean yeah I guess that is it..what else could if be..I mean I know love isn't easy to find and somehow I'm starting to rethink my guy standards like what I look for in a guy somehow I almost think I'm shallow when it come o guys if they aren't cute enough or have too much acne somehow I guess I shold jsut tlel him that I don't really want to date anyone right now becuase I don't want to be stressed or too busy I jsut want to hang out with my friends playing hackeysack..that is what I liek to do I love it, its so much fun even though I suck I actually asked michele yesterday why she doesn't kicki me out of the game every day since I am so bad ands he said b/c i'm getting beter and she wouldn't do that ...yeah something like that. I guess I'll jsut avoid him and the subject and i'll let my best friend know what is going on in case I do something strange...yeah I'm gonna go finish hw and get ready for work byes
-Rebecca

ok haha apparently I am 120 which means I gained a opund instead of lost 4 more thank god. Yah so jsut wanted to say that

Ya know what I just found out..I decided to weigh myself again out of curiosity and I found out that I lost 5 more pounds. Shit. I'm soo screwed and freaking out and my bff is goign to slap me but I wish she were here cuz I need a hug.

eh I was soo happy b/c I met a guy and he hasn't stopped calling me like my bff except I don't mind I never mind talking to my bff but a guy that is so rare..*sigh* I relaly like him but I can't like him its complicated..yeah so I'm emo now thanks to my other bff and all my friends that are emo..oh great..jsut what I need is to cry myself to sleep or maybe its just a girl thing I'm not blaming anyone I'm here for whoever needs me *sigh* I wish everythign would just fix itself and that everythign woudl be normal with my bff again but no ugh...ok I'm done
-Rebel

Greetings all!
Happy New Year! Its 2006! WOOOT! yeah well my new year's sucked except for the part when I hung out with my bff on Ne Year's Day that was wicked awesome lol.. but yeah on New Year's Eve I went to dinner with my parents then came back home continued doing stupid ass hw and then I went up stairs for the ballt o drop said happy new year ate a pieceof chocloate cake and then went downstarirs closed my door and sobbed my little heart out..ya se my 2 bff's had a sleepover and it hurts so much that they didn't invite me or should I say she didn't invite me..*sigh* I kno my bff with get mad if she see's I said this but I can't help how I'm feeling right now..If my other bff hadn't been telling the entire world right in front of me espeicially when I said I DID ABSOLUTELY Nothing and she is all rubbing it in my face and its HER FAULT! GRRRR! *sigh* teachers aren't letting o of the hw though buttheads but I'm fine... Ok well all I have to say is some pople are such CHICKENS they are jsut hypocrites its sad adn pathetic I mena OMG! get over yourself..you'd think that if you liek a guy yould at least talkto him not be ong he's flirting with me al the ime that is such a turn off to giuys most guys would rahter a girl tel them then think the guy is into them b/c that's how hearts break! DUHHH!! Ok I better get to sleep..I hope I dont' wake up in tears cuz that woudl be very very bad....*sigh* that's what I did almost all break..
Bye

Hi ppl!
HappyChristmakkakwanzika!! I hope you all got what you wished for this holidays season and as the new year is tomorow night its the last day of 2005 for all of us. I kno that in this past year I have done things I'm not proud of but I have done things that I am proud too. My mood is fucked up now so I can't finsh this entry like I wanted to...I wish you could go back in time and fix the past....*sigh* I wish that with all my heart and soul...cuz it really hurts right now...

hi ppl!
Well today wasn't one of my best days.
I went to teh mall seraching for the perfect presents for my bffs and I didn't find ANYTHING! So now tomorrow I'm going again but I have all this wonderful hw to do for monday...so yeah anyway apparently the friend that I decided to go with to teh mall drove me CRAZY! I mean she wouldn't shut up..SERIOUSLY! blah I came home and I was soo happy to be in peace adn quiet. I'll probably rant to Britt later anyway but just so you people know. I am not UPTIGHT lol! Right so yeah I thought I would updatesince I don't really use xanga anymore. Its a week before christmas and I am not done shopping..also I have a holiday concert this wednesday and rehearsals every day till then plus wrapping presents, signing cards, and making plans for break. All that plus a big project for English due after break and other hw from my teachers..well its goign to be very busy. Anyway there is something I didn't tell anyone on Lj yet.. I'M GETING A NEW ROOM!!! a BIGGER ROOM...with MORE SPACE...MORE PRIVACY...My OWN TV... PLAYSTATION *COUGH*..MY COMPUTER...INTERNET EVERYTHING!!! I AM SOOO EXCITED LOL!!!! I get my OWN BATHROOM..and we are REDOING THE BATHROOM WOOOT!!! Panters are coming on Monday to paint my new room CARRIBEAN COAST BLUE!! I will be moving downstairs before or after the new year but I'msoo happy I'mbouncing off the walls lol but yeah that adds to my list of stuff going on with me. Ok I think I wrote enough..don't you?Well if you don't then youcan IM me at my new sn PlumTreeFairy5 lmao I made that up at 1 am again lol I was thinking about food. Ok I'm officially done now lol BYYYYYYEEE!!
p.s and no britt I'm not high on anything lmao

Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! Last Tuesday I had a shoot-out with rival gang lords on the 5 near LA (-76 points). Last week I gave triggur a life-saving blood transfusion (50 points). In July I donated bone marrow to kaiodani in a life-saving procedure (300 points). In August I gave xtremeangel a kidney (1000 points). Last Friday I turned triggur in for running naked in the mall (3 points). Overall, I've been nice (1277 points). For Christmas I deserve a pony! Sincerely, estrellarebelde

Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:

Hey guys,
First I just want to say CONGRATULATIN to my bff for finishing her story lol we wre up till after 11 celebrating hahaha. Then Iw asn to say how I love AIM b/c it gives me the pleasure to met asnd talk to so many awesome people including my friends hahaha! =D I love my friends they are awesome. I also want to wish my friend Alina a very happy birthday and I'm glad she liked her present! I had a blast today after school hangin out with my friends and laughing my ass off as well as my face was very near a boy's crouch which was hillarious as since I tried to move away I fell over lol lmao! AWESOMENESS! hehe lol! ok <3 you all! Bye bye

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! <3 <3

Have you ever sat in a room alone in a room and thought?
Not about anythingin particular but just sat and thought?
Do you notice how silent the rom becomes how the only voice you can really har is your own?
How the world outside your room is going on with there own thing while you sit and think..
Its amazing how there thinks hapen..
one moment you are happy and laughing your ass off the next minute you are silen listening to the droplets of water hitting the pavement outside or the faucet dripping water out.
I feel like I shoudl go to school tomorrow cut all of my classes and hide in the bathroom all day and cry my eyes out about everything that is going through my head..
all the bad I've done..
all the good I've done...
all teh things I no longer have..
all the friendships that were broken
..*sigh*
thinking of that just makes me feel horrible
I mean I dont' want to hurt ppl..I wish things could go back to the way they used to be..
I wish i could talk to this person and tell them...
but I can't...they wouln't understand..
I wish I could turn back time..and find a way to prevent waht happened..b/c it ruined everything..
I know that I'm being very vague int his but i figure if Itype out how I feel than maybe someone will know I can't very well keep it inside myself anymore..
there are so many things I want to do..
things I want to say...but I can't say any of them.
it drives me crazy..
I know ppl would care if I died.. you don't have to remind me of that..
but I wake up feeling every pain that I felt when the events hapened and being reminded of the,..hurts me even more to a point where I almost wish I could dide jsut to mke the pain go away..
I want so badly for things to be well again..
I wish my heart would stop hurting
I am sitting here staring at my reflection in the mirror beside me and thinking who the hell am I?
I hate making up in so much pain but going to school anyway and acting liek everything is alright...
I am jsut so sad inside but I can't show how I feel b/c it hurts everyone I love and care for..it makes them feel like I ..oh god why am I doing this?
Some friend I am.
I hurt pople I make them cry
omg just saying that makes me want to cry even more..makes me remember what happened and how it happened
and it just makes me want to cry my eyes out it brings all the pain back an to think that this person always thinks of this event whenever she thinks of me hurt me to a point where I just want to die..just want to..no see I won't kill myself I wil jsut get very very upet..I feel so alone..I can't talk to anyone..it just hurts too much and I can't act like nothing is wrong anymore its breaking me in half...

ok I feel the need to scream lol b/c I am very happy that today has finally come. WOOOOOOT! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! I FINALLY have my own computer again. no more signing off mad early for no reason. No more dad negotionas on how long I can use his computer. No more printer malfunctions!!! lol YAAAAY! I now have my awesome computer and monitor with a 19" FLAT Screeen LCD MONITOR!!! lol It was so interesting learning all this and figuring it out. I'm soo glad I got this instead of buying a dell. These days Dell's prety much suck! Oh and I can evenplay Sims 2 after a year of staring at it !! lol ok I'm dead tired thp so I'm goign to bed but one more YIIIIIPPPPEEEEE!!!lol ok Britt is goign to laugh at me but I don't care! lol!!! GOOD NIGHT!

Well I stayed home today. I am sick..again I shouldn't of walked home yesterday..then maybe I wouldn't of been sick again..but I doubt it...so today everyone is going to be asking each other were did Rebecca go..or at least I hope they will. at this time I would be in my favorite class. Which is history and next period would be lunch..I wonder if anyone with miss me...I wonder if anyone will even call to see how I am..I just wish my friends cared about me as much as I cared about them. My friend was absent yesterday so I called her while I was walking home to see how she was and I always do that when one of my friends doesn't come to school. Anyway I guess that's it..I'll use my time today to add stuff to online profiles and what not. Catch you later. Those of you who know my screename..IM me if you give a damn.

-Rebecca

Have you ever felt so upset that you want to cry and you know who have to cry but you just can't cry..its like your emotions have taken over your body and your the dummy on the outside. You know what, I love all of my friends and I have had some drama with my best friend but we always stuck together through thick and thin. We still do b/c we have so much in common beside our birthday being on the same day and we just had a great friendship but little did I know my depression was slowly killing her and she just pretended everything was great until it got to be so much that she broke down right in front of me. No matter what I did I jsut couldn't fix it b/c I was extremely depressed..and it sucks.Now she has ben treating me like dirt online, blocking me and just closing the IM box and I don't know its bothering the hell out of me. Today in school we barely talked and is was like a big solid wall was around us which is weird. There was nothing to say we looked at each other but didn't talk. We hung out after school with all our friends till it was late and I left without saying goodbye and then she caught up with me and said that she could read my mind...that walk home was awkward and I wish it hadn't happened b/c I think it made our friendship worse..*sigh*